


Androids Suck

by Pizelle



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Biting, Blood, Drama, Gen, Halloween, Seizures, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-20 18:36:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16143116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pizelle/pseuds/Pizelle
Summary: Only a few weeks before Halloween, Hank and Connor are assigned a brand new case involving androids who are out for the blue blood of others. What seems like a dumb deviancy-related prank for the holiday turns out to be something far more serious than they thought.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone's got to write their own cheesy holiday fanfic or ten, right? Here's my first, haha. Please enjoy, and if you have the time, be sure to check out my other fics! Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think. Can't promise it'll be finished by Halloween, but I'll be working on it whenever I can.

It all started because Hank stayed up too late to watch the football game, and didn't get enough rest for work the next day, Connor had recalled.

The android had noticed the addition of the colors orange and black around the office, with cutouts, plush toys, and ornaments depicting black cats, pumpkins with faces, witches, spiders, bats and ghosts strewn about, and that wasn't even all of the unique characters he could name. But nonetheless, it got him excited. Connor was still reserved with showing emotions despite his deviancy, and it had almost been a year since it changed his life.

Hank had decided to take him in, and they went from friends to roommates to something very close to family, though Hank was embarrassed to admit it. Living with Hank, Connor soon learned about a very important concept he sought no need to research before his awakening: holidays.

Their first one was Christmas, and as the most widely celebrated holiday, the idea enchanted the android. The spirit and the commercialism hit the two everywhere they went, and Connor loved it so much that he finally worked up the confidence to ask Hank if they could have a Christmas tree. It wasn't the most impressively decorated artificial tree, but it made Connor happy, and was the perfect first Christmas gift.

After this, Connor wanted to learn about all the American holidays. He stayed up on New Year's Eve to watch the ball drop, he bought Hank some sugar-free candy on Valentine's Day (because the lady at the candy store said Valentine's Day was also a great time to treat your family, not just a romantic interest), he played designated driver and pondered the importance of someone being Irish on Saint Patrick's Day while Hank drank green beer and ate Reubens until he practically burst. After the Fourth of July, the holiday spirit had tapered off, so his curiosity and lack of cheer instantly reactivated seeing these new decorations after the dry spell.

"Captain Fowler, why are we hanging lollipops with tissues wrapped around them on the walls?"

"It's the Halloween season, kid." Jeffrey snapped, then had to remind himself that Connor was still new to holidays. He seemed to be the first person Connor asked about each one too, since some of the staff really got into decorating the station. "Uh, you gotta look up the backstory because I don't really know it, but Halloween falls on the last day of the month, and people dress up in costumes and have parties with spooky or horror themes. The kids go around the neighborhood and trick-or-treat."

"Trick-or-treat?"

"Yeah, they go up to the neighbors' doors, say 'trick or treat', and their neighbor gives them a small piece of candy, or something like a small toy. My wife hands out pencils with the DPD logo on them at our house. Actually, there probably won't be much candy this year with the majority of kids going to be YK500's."

"What a thoughtful activity for children." Connor loved the concept. "But what does the 'trick' part entail?"

"A fucking heap of trouble, if you ask me. We don't condone it, but basically some kids, usually the older teens, will 'trick' their neighbor if there is no candy or treat for them."

"If tricking shouldn't be encouraged, why not just say 'treat, please'?"

"Don't ask me, Con. I don't make the rules. I just enforce the law. Ask Hank, what's he doing anyway?"

"He is-" Connor hesitated, knowing Fowler would be pissed if he told the truth. "He is preparing for the day at his desk."

"Very good. Get to work, kid."

Connor decided he should go alert Hank that Fowler might be coming to check on him, and made his way back to his desk at a relaxed pace until he saw someone standing behind the lieutenant's chair, snickering.

"Detective Reed? Do you need something?" Connor asked, catching the human and a few of the younger officers off-guard. While the rookies retreated, Gavin shrugged, a tiny bottle of super glue in one hand.

"Nothing at all, tin man." He scoffed. "Tell your trainer sleeping on the job is against the rules in our employee handbook. You're a deviant still, aren't ya? Let's see you take charge."

"Very well. Torn and unkempt clothing is against the dress code, Detective Reed. If you wish, I can report it to Captain Fowler along with Hank's rule violation? As I recall, a three day suspension from work and also of pay is in store for you after the next dress code violation."

"Fucking toaster." Gavin muttered. "Just forget it, I'm done here." He groaned, but started to laugh after walking a few feet away. Connor was lost on the reasoning, but it wasn't all that uncommon.

The RK800 looked over Hank's sleeping form briefly, his scanners quickly picking up a foreign object through Hank's disheveled hair. He extended his finger and gently touched the round ring of yellowish-green glow-in-the-dark plastic on the side of the man's head, gasping when Hank's hand shot up and grabbed his wrist tightly. Hank had finally had enough of the ticklish sensations being felt in that spot over the last few minutes.

"Connor, what are you doing?" Hank grumbled. "I'm awake, I'm awake." He sighed, slowly releasing Connor's arm.

"Lieutenant, there is a piece of plastic attached to your head."

"What?" Hank let his fingers skim over his skin, stopping at the edge of the foreign object. He tugged at it, and it wouldn't budge. In fact, it hurt to pull on. "What the fuck!?"

"Based on what I just encountered, I believe Detective Reed super-glued a 'glow-in-the-dark' ring from one of the Halloween decorations being used here in the office to the side of your head to make it look like you were an android." Connor wasn't happy with it, and he knew a lot of androids wouldn't appreciate seeing that if they were out and about.

"Fucking Gavin. I don't have any nail polish remover, so I can't do shit about it until lunch break." Hank growled. "Fucking idiot will never have respect for anyone." Hank pulled his hair over as best as he could manage.

Connor remained at attention until he received a silent call from Fowler, blinking as he read it in under a second. "Lieutenant, the captain has an assignment for us, and has asked that we come to his office in the next five minutes."

"Goddamn it. I was hoping for an easy day." He sighed, unable to stop fidgeting with the ring on his skin. "Let's get it over with."

The lieutenant and the detective walked side by side to the office, Connor holding the door open for Hank as they both entered. They occupied the two chairs in front of Fowler's desk, Connor looking attentive while Hank displayed the opposite of the android's positive traits.

"You look like shit, Hank." was the first thing out of Jeffrey's mouth.

"What else is new?" The man groaned. "What's going on?"

"We've got another android problem." Fowler folded his hands and leaned forward in his chair.

"Great." Hank scoffed, but as usual, Connor was invested.

"It's been a while, not counting the minor offenses."

"Yeah, seems like some of you lot don't handle deviancy as well as others. Humans are the same way, with all these mental health troubles messing people up."

"I'm beginning to feel like I get all the android problems."

"They like you and Connor, Hank. Humans may still not think highly of your involvement after last year, but the android population here in Detroit would rather deal with you than anyone else."

Connor, in the meantime, was reading up on the emailed case file. "Biters?"

"Yeah, not the best name, but we don't want this encouraged." Fowler explained. The more the media shined lights and cameras on a crime, the more it encouraged copy cats, which sometimes muddled investigations.

"What, did one think it was a guard dog and bite someone's leg?" Hank chuckled under his breath.

"Actually, they bit someone's neck and shoulder. Fellow androids. There have been five cases reported so far. CyberLife was just notified of the issue this morning, and came to us first. They know you're not on good speaking terms with them, but they're willing to cover independent repairs and updates for Connor over the next year free of charge to us in exchange for information on the case. Under Connor's agreement, we're using his pay as 'health care benefits' money to cover them, so it might mean Connor gets to take home an actual check on Fridays for a while."

Hank knew the current arrangements that Connor was now getting maintenance done under, and that offer from CyberLife sounded good. Maybe too good, but with a tempting reward like that, there was probably some risk involved in this new investigation.

"I'm fine with the offer, so long as _he_ still gets to scan and install them." Connor alluded to the man who was currently doing his updates and upgrades.

"If Connor's in, guess I got no choice." Hank lifted his hand up briefly before letting it lazily fall back on the arm rest.

Connor felt a little excitement. A big new case had started for them, and he was ready to hit the pavement and get to work on it. Hank would require some encouragement, but after a year, he had his own methods of getting the lieutenant's cooperation.

As they left the office, Connor enticed his partner to begin immediately with a simple plan. "The first incident happened at a StockMart around three in the morning." Hank didn't respond, still feeling despair about his day going 'to shit' in less than an hour. "...We could purchase a few necessary items, then talk to the manager that was on duty?"

It took a minute for Connor's logic to hit him, but when it did, he straightened up and felt a spark of hope within him. "...Good idea, kid. Let's get a move on."

The sooner he could get that stupid piece of garbage off of his head, the better it would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Hank talk to the first victim.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." Hank's lower jaw hung open as he and Connor stood in the personal care aisle of StockMart, the shelf completely void of any bottle of nail polish remover. "Of all the fucking times..."

"Worry not, lieutenant. We still have options, just not as convenient in a timely manner. We can check another store, or, after work, we can go home and use warm water to loosen it. If worse comes to worse, the natural oils in your skin will eventually break down the adhesive." Connor tried to be reassuring, but Hank was hard to relax at times like this.

"I'm going to look like a freaking idiot when we talk to this chick." Hank growled, unknowingly scaring off a few housewives from going down the aisle until the left.

"If anybody asks, we'll simply tell them the truth of what happened and explain the situation."

"You make it sound so simple. Humans don't believe everything they hear, especially from androids."

"Yes, but-"

"Ugh...come on, kid. Our intel says she works in sporting goods."

"Coming, lieutenant." Connor followed close behind, marveling at the size of StockMart. It was one of those department stores that also sold groceries, had a bakery and deli counter, plus various other services like a pharmacy and haircuts. It was one of the few stores that still flourished after the android revolution.

When they passed by a display of Halloween candy, Connor was reminded of all the pleasant decorations around the office. "Do you participate in Halloween, lieutenant?"

Of course the bright neon colors and fanfare attracted Connor. He'd thought they were done with learning the holidays, but that wasn't the case. He would have loved to be excited right along with him, but Halloween meant trick-or-treat, and trick-or-treat meant children dressing up in costumes, and that led to the memory of Cole in his little dragon costume that his mother handmade for him, stomping around outside while he tried to take a picture before he ran the boots and tail through the mud that gloomy afternoon. He could recite all the costumes he'd worn since birth. His favorite was the year when Cole didn't understand the holiday; he'd dressed in his old police uniform, and they put Cole in a little striped prisoner's uniform.

Connor tilted his head quizzically when Hank chuckled.

Hank's brief smile fell straight back down in a frown. "Not anymore." He said solemnly.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Connor tried to process the information, but he set the task aside when they found a woman with crinkly and wavy caramel dyed hair finishing checking out a man's new purchase of a fishing rod.

"Just show'em your receipt when you leave." She instructed the man as he walked away. "You won't get trouble." Once he was gone, she turned her head to Hank and Connor, her hair briefly moving enough to reveal her own LED. Since androids were no longer required to wear distinguishing clothing in public, that was the only real means of identifying one. Provided they didn't remove it of their own accord. "Oh hey, you're the cops who were supposed to drop by, right?" She chuckled. "You still wear that?" She questioned Connor.

"Well, yes, I-"

"Kid's not used to being deviant yet." Hank laughed. "He needs someone to take him on a shopping spree, but I'm not hot on what shit's in style these days." Honestly, he didn't want to butt in and let Connor do his own thing, though admittedly it did take some pushing to get Connor into trying some stuff. "Anyway, I'm Lieutenant Hank Anderson," He displayed his badge to confirm. "and this is Connor, my partner. You must be Jacinda. We're here to ask about your coworker. He...bit you?"

Her smile faded a bit, but she nodded. "Just a sec, lieutenant." She paused and silently communicated with her other coworker in the department. "Sorry. Just wanted to make sure Lionel could watch my register."

"Not a problem." Connor always tried to remain chipper, especially with victims of crimes.

"Let's go to the break room in the back of the store." She waved towards a set of double doors as they followed her. The three walked by shelf after shelf of products waiting to be displayed when their predecessors were sold. Connor noticed a barren area that had once been used to store androids. There were patterns in the dust on the floor vaguely shaped like footprints in some places. "Here we are. It's early, so nobody's gonna take lunch yet. We should be good for an hour."

"Thanks." Hank nodded as she held the door open for them. Inside the room were long tables and black folding chairs, as well as a whiteboard with a schedule grid drawn on it in a variety of colors. Connor was quick to scan it, registering names, times, and departments then filing them away for future reference. Every little detail was key, and he did it so fast that Hank really never realized it.

Hank and Connor sat down together on one side of the table, while Jacinda sat across from them, relaxing her shoulders and sighing to herself. "I swear to tell the truth and all that stuff."

"You're fine. You're the victim here, you're not in the wrong."

"Sorry, humans make me a little nervous too."

"Lieutenant Anderson is an ally, I assure you." Connor spoke fondly of his friend.

"It's understandable, Jacinda. We were assigned the 'biter' case this morning, and we want to learn all that we can so it doesn't blow up into a big to-do." Hank explained.

"Yeah, it sounds weird, right? Deviancy's weird too, I started talkin' like this after I woke up. I like it, but I'm still getting a feel for...you know, being me. But hell, I don't go around biting my buddy, you know what I'm saying?"

Honestly Hank liked most of them when they were deviant. They seemed more human and relatable. "I hear ya."

Jacinda undid the two buttons of her blue work polo, and pulled down the shirt a bit to better show off her neck and shoulder. The stark contrast of her complexion and her true exterior was striking, and the damage was clear to see.

Connor began to scan her, two puncture sites near her neck as well as cracked plastic and some healing interior work were picked up. It made her arm twitch every so often, but nothing that would be permanent damage, provided she went to a repair center to seal the plastic exterior properly. She probably could even do it herself, though the punctures would require a full replacement of that particular panel, and it would be more expensive since it was a larger, central piece instead of an extremity.

"So, the guy's name was Roger. He was pretty straight laced, even after becoming a deviant. Never had a problem with him. He used to work in sporting goods, and I was in games and toys. I'm covering his department now, but they'll probably have me over there next month for the holiday rush."

"Christmas!" Connor smiled. "I love Christmas."

"Christmas is great! Unless you have to work."

"Working on Christmas?" Connor knew it was a thing, but as a deviant now, it seemed kind of mean to make someone work on such a special day.

"Don't worry, I asked for it off this year. But anyway," She smacked her lips, feeling as though her mouth was dry. "sorry, can I grab a thirium pack? My throat's dry. I'm still trying to replace what I lost."

"Replace thirium?"

"Yeah, after I rebooted from the attack, my thirium levels have been low. I feel like I'm drownin' in thirium, but apparently I haven't had enough yet."

"Understandable after an injury. He damaged an area where a lot of thirium tends to circulate." Connor nodded. It may take a few days to return to an optimal status."

"Thanks, I was a little worried." Jacinda chuckled, sitting back down with a pouch. "But yeah, he had called off the day before, but then, at the end of our shift the next day, I went to put away my name tag and register keys in the safe, and all of a sudden, he pins me down on the table and just bites me like a dog! He doesn't let go either, but he hit something sensitive, and I powered off due to my protection program. When I wake up, my boss is holdin' me and his face is all wet, and Roger's face is covered in thirium. He was spasming and shaking when CyberLife took him away in one of those coats...straight jackets, but androids can't rip through the material."

"I'm grateful that you're alright, and very sorry that you had to go through that." Connor sympathized, then turned to Hank. "This was a good start, lieutenant."

"Yeah. Thanks for bein' cooperative. You don't know how rare it is..." Hank muttered, itching the side of his head.

"What's that?" Jacinda furrowed her brow, but Connor was quick to speak up.

"A mean practical joke from someone at the station." Connor said. "He doesn't mean to offend."

"Oh. Nail polish remover'll be back in stock tonight. Some weirdo bought us fresh out. Finesse brand will take that sucker off in two seconds. I'll hold a bottle for you if you can come back later, the truck should be here soon to deliver the new goods."

"We'd be delighted!" Connor smiled.

"It's the least I can do for you guys letting me tell my story. I hope you can figure out what's going on."

"We'll be in touch, Jacinda."

"Indeed! Later today, even!" Connor smiled warmly in anticipation.

Jacinda had decided to use the rest of her time as her break, purchasing a second pouch of thirium from the snack machine as Connor and Hank left the room to go back out front. "She was really nice, detective."

"Yep. Hope she'll be okay, but we've got no more business with her for now." Hank poked at the glow-in-the-dark ring again. "This thing is starting to itch like hell."

"A couple more hours, and we can return for that nail polish remover."

"Yeah. It's on the way home, why not. Probably cheaper too."

They exited the same way that they entered, and Connor once again was drawn in by the Halloween displays. "Hank, do you think we could look at the Halloween-themed products?"

"Not right now, we're on the fucking clock, remember?" Hank snipped, but seeing Connor's frown was a weakness. The RK800 had definitely grown on him. "...When we come in for the nail polish remover tonight, we can look around. We should probably pick up a bag of candy even if we only get one or two kids. It's not like it'll go to waste." He laughed.

"Lieutenant, snack sized pieces of candy are lower in calories, but humans tend to, as the sources say, eat them like potato chips: they can't seem to enjoy just one piece without wanting more."

"It's Halloween, gotta live a little. Indulge your sweet tooth." Hank shrugged.

"Only if you indulge other things less. I can pack you a lunch instead of going out for burgers."

"Connor, why are you such a stick in the mud about my health? Just don't worry about it. You're like someone's mother."

"You're my friend, Hank. I don't want to see you in the hospital anytime soon. It would be very jarring, I imagine."

"Just chill, Connor." Hank raised his arms and his voice a little, then spoke again at normal volume. "Everything's going to be fine. Let's head back and hope Fowler stays off our asses for the rest of the day."


End file.
